


everything left in the cassette player

by wintervioleteye (hawkguyed)



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Don't ask me what I've just written, Gen, IT TURNS INTO QUEEN, It hates everyone except Phil, Satan's Camaro, Somewhat crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-04
Updated: 2012-03-04
Packaged: 2017-11-01 02:30:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/350961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hawkguyed/pseuds/wintervioleteye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's just another one of those days with a new car that everyone in SHIELD is terrified of.</p>
            </blockquote>





	everything left in the cassette player

**Author's Note:**

> THIS. Started as a Transformers fic for [james](http://archiveofourown.org/users/james) that... devolved into a car!Clint fic (no, I'm still writing a Transformer!Clint fic) and uhm.

“Let me tell you somethin', son: A driver don't pick the car, nuh-uh...the car picks the driver. It's a mystical bond between man and machine.”  
 _\- Bobby Bolivia_

There is a car in the very last lot of SHIELD’s underground garage. It’s a nice car, though covered in dust and fingerprints where the agents have tried to get it towed away (only to fail miserably) and eventually left there because everyone - literally everyone, even if Nick Fury will never, ever admit it - has sworn that the black and red Camaro isn’t just from hell, it’s practically hell incarnate in the form of four wheels and sleek lines. 

It is also the only car left available when Phil Coulson heads down over to the parking lot after one of the junior agents manage to completely and utterly wreck his SUV while attempting to escape the latest of Loki’s menagerie. 

Phil’s heard the stories, of course. How Jack from Engineering had gotten himself locked out of the car in the middle of nowhere with no cell reception, and Laila from R&D got her fingers nearly squashed by a door that suddenly slammed shut. 

There’s even that one about one of the new agents trying to drive the car to the scrapyard. He’d gotten as far as the entrance before the wheels suddenly deflated and the doors jammed shut for the better half of an hour. 

No-one’s dared to go near the black and red Camaro ever since. 

The agent at the booth looks a little unsure as he lifts the car keys from the box, shooting furtive looks at the single car sitting unassumingly in the parking lot as if it would either disappear or pull another insane stunt. R&D still thinks it’s the newest sonic device they’d been testing that’s responsible for the windows of the remainder of SHIELD’s SUV fleet shattering, but there’s been talk that the devil-Camaro was the real culprit. 

Phil gives the man one of his blandest looks. 

The keys are in his hand within seconds and he pretends not to hear the younger agent’s half muttered ‘good luck’ as he makes his way across the car park. Phil doesn’t have time for superstition, unlocking the car and getting in. There’s a lingering scent of the desert (probably from when it had broken down a week or so back) but the seat is comfortable and Phil leans back, giving himself a few moments to get used to being in something that isn’t an SUV. 

He fiddles a little with the radio on the way out, but it seems to be permanently stuck on 80s rock music with a set of buttons that are temperamental at best, occasionally working but mostly getting little results when Phil tries. He ends up putting in a CD, a jazz track he’d picked up on his way down town but the stereo continues to unrepentantly blare out the tune of ‘I wanna be a cowboy’. 

Later that night, Phil scrubs the Camaro down, wondering if anyone has actually bothered to maintain the car. There’s sand in places where sand doesn’t belong and Phil spends a good hour intermittently hosing dust off the Camaro and rubbing polish over jet-black paint. 

The next day, Phil leaves one of his CDs in the car’s player. He isn’t quite sure why or how the car does it, but the Camaro starts playing Queen until he takes the CD out.

**Author's Note:**

> The last line is especially dedicated to Erin. Because.


End file.
